Making arrangements to spend time with your child over Christmas can be difficult if you are a separated parent. Missing out on this special day and negotiating an acceptable sharing of time is never easy and it can be painful to compromise. We take a look at how separated parents deal with the festive period and what to do if you cannot agree on arrangements with your child’s other parent.
Typical Christmas Child Contact Arrangements
Parents usually try to share the time so that they both have the chance to be with their children for some of the Christmas period. Common arrangements include:
- Spending Christmas Eve and the first part of Christmas morning with one parent, then going to the other parent for the rest of the day and Christmas night
- Spending Christmas Day and Boxing Day with one parent and New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with the other parent
- Alternating the arrangements from year to year, so that both parents have the chance to spend Christmas Day with their child, even if it is only every other year
- If the relationship between parents is particularly cordial and children are quite young, some parents spend some of Christmas Day together when separation is quite new and everyone is still adjusting
Factors That Commonly Influence Arrangements
Factors that will affect your plans include the practicality of getting from one house to the other if you live a long distance away from your child’s other parent. This is particularly important to consider if your children are small as it will not be ideal for them to spend a long time travelling.
You may also need to take into account the plans of others in your life, such as new partners, stepchildren and grandparents.
When Alternating Child Access Is Not Possible
If it is not possible to arrange Christmas Day so that your child can spend part of it with each parent, you could consider having a special day with your child on another date. You could give gifts on this day and have a Christmas lunch and other treats so that your child feels that they have celebrated with both of their parents.
You can also plan some trips or things to do with your children on other days over the Christmas period if you can spend some time with them. These do not have to be expensive activities, children often enjoy simply having their parents spend time with them playing games, going to the park or having a walk in the countryside. Making good memories is not just limited to Christmas day.
Tips For Making Typical Child Contact Arrangements
Below are our family lawyers’ top tips for arranging a family Christmas for separated parents and children.
1. Be Organised – Start Discussions Early
It is crucial to start discussing Christmas several weeks in advance. This avoids last-minute stress which can make negotiating more fraught and difficult and it also gives you time to have a break from the conversation if it becomes contentious and you need to cool down.
Talking about what will happen early on will give you the chance to speak to other family members about their plans and take the time to work out what would suit everyone best.
If you really cannot agree, if you have discussed the issue early on, you will still have time to seek help such as advice from a family law solicitor or mediation.
Once plans have been made, you should still have plenty of time to talk to your children about them so that they know what to expect and can get used to the idea.
2. Communication Is Key
Open and honest communication is important. Try hard to articulate what you would like to happen without losing your cool. Explaining why certain arrangements are important to you may help your child’s other parents understand and make them more likely to agree to a compromise.
Setting out exactly what you are suggesting and being precise about dates and timings will help avoid misunderstandings and disagreements later on.
3. Listen and Compromise
You also need to be open to listening to what your child’s other parent is saying and try to understand their point of view. Keeping your emotions in check and avoiding emotive language will help build a stronger rapport.
4. Keep Your Child At The Heart Of The Decision
It is important that both you and your child’s other parents think carefully about what is in your child’s best interests. If the court is asked to intervene in child arrangements issues, its first consideration will be what is best for the child. The court also prefers that a child has a meaningful relationship with both parents unless there is a compelling reason for them not to.
You can discuss the situation with your child but they must never be asked to choose between you and their other parent. While you can consider their thoughts, you should make them aware that it is not their decision to make and that you and their other parent will ultimately tell them what will be happening.
5. Give Honest Consideration To Your Child’s Other Parent
However difficult you may find your relationship with your child’s other parent, be honest about what you are expecting them to agree to. Ask yourself if you would find your suggestions acceptable if the tables were turned.
Your child is likely to want to spend time with them, so by trying to prevent time together, you could be causing your child some sadness.
6. Put Everything In Writing
Once you have agreed on what will happen, put it in writing in an email or letter. This will clarify the details and prevent misunderstandings later on. It also stops either of you from misremembering what was said.
What Happens When There Are Existing Child Arrangement Orders?
If you have a child arrangements order in place, this may give details of what should happen over the Christmas period. In this case, you will generally follow the terms of the order, unless you can both agree on a different arrangement.
If your child arrangements order does not refer to Christmas, then you are free to negotiate and agree between you.
Christmas Child Arrangements And The Family Court
If you and your child’s other parent are unable to agree on what will happen over Christmas, you are advised to speak to a family law solicitor. They will be able to discuss the situation with you and make suggestions to break a deadlock. They can enter into negotiations on your behalf with your child’s other parent or their lawyer. Where an agreement cannot be reached, they will be able to refer you to mediation.
A mediator will work with both you and your child’s other parent to help you explore the different options available to you. They will not impose a solution on you and any outcome will be something you both agree upon together.
If you are still unable to find an acceptable solution, your solicitor can apply to the court on your behalf and request an order setting out what will happen.
What Are Separated Parents' Holiday Rights In The UK?
At the time parents separate, child arrangements will usually be made. Both parents can generally spend time with their child and the agreement will set out how this will be accomplished. Neither parent has an absolute right to spend holidays or any other time with their parent and if asked, the court will decide what it believes to be in the child’s best interests.
In making an order, the court will take into account several points, including the following:
- The child’s feelings in the matter in the light of their age and understanding
- The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
- The likely effect on the child of any changes in circumstances
- The child’s age, background, sex and any other relevant characteristic
- Any risk of harm there may be to the child
- The parents’ abilities to meet the child’s needs
Dealing With Breaches of Child Arrangements Orders
If your child’s other parent breaches a child arrangements order, you are advised to speak to a family law solicitor who will be able to discuss the situation with you and advise you of your options.
You can try talking to your ex to see why they have breached the order and whether the situation can be dealt with amicably. For example, you might be able to arrange to see your child another time to make up for what you have missed.
If the breach is more serious and ongoing, however, you may need to ask the court to enforce the order. The court has a range of powers, including:
- Varying the order
- Making an enforcement order
- Imposing a fine by way of a penalty for breaching the order
- Ordering your child’s other parent to go to attend an information programme
- Ordering mediation for you and your child’s other parent
- In very serious cases, the court also has the option to order a prison sentence
Help From an Experienced Family Lawyer
If you need help or advice in making typical child contact arrangements to spend time with your child over the Christmas period, our experienced family lawyers can help.
Email us at info@witansolicitors.co.uk or fill in our contact form and we will be happy to help you. We have offices in Birmingham and Northampton.
FAQ
How can I agree on Christmas contact arrangements when my child’s other parent objects?
If you cannot agree on arrangements for the Christmas period, you can consider asking a family lawyer to help. If you ask us to represent you, we can contact your ex or their solicitors and try to negotiate the right arrangements for you and your child. If this is not successful, we can refer you to mediation and support you through this process.
We can also apply to the court on your behalf, should it prove impossible to reach an agreement.
Can a father insist on seeing their child at Christmas?
Both parents will generally be allowed to see their children regularly unless there is a strong reason for this to be prohibited. When dealing with Christmas, again, both parents should try to work out a schedule that allows them each to spend time with their child.
Rather than insisting, it is preferable to try and arrange the details by way of negotiation and compromise, engaging professional help where necessary.
Can I take my child overseas for Christmas without other parents’ consent?
If you wish to take your child overseas, you need the written consent of anyone with parental responsibility, unless there is a child arrangements order in place. Where a child arrangements order exists stating that the child will live with one parent, that parent can take the child overseas for up to 28 days.
You are strongly advised to deal with issues such as Christmas and overseas holidays by way of negotiation and agreement, however.
